All men are enemies. All animals are comrades.

I ate hot shit once at a Def Jam club in New York. Got boo’d off the stage by a girl with gold teeth.

—Nick Swardson

Cancer Stereotypes


1. Homey
2. Sensitive
3. Moody
4. Sympathetic
5. Sentimental
6. Vulnereable
7. Defensive
8. Content
9. Protective
10. Romantic

11. Tumors

12. Hair loss

13. Lowered white cell count

14. Headaches

15. Respiratory problems

16. Jaundice

17. Hepatomegaly

18. Hemoptysis

19. Vertigo

(via alexaunderground)

In third grade, I cheated on my history exam. In fourth grade, I stole my uncle Max’s toupee and I glued it on my face when I was Moses in my Hebrew School play. In fifth grade, I knocked my sister Edie down the stairs and I blamed it on the dog… when my mom sent me to the summer camp for fat kids and then they served lunch I got nuts and I pigged out and they kicked me out… but the worst thing I ever done - I mixed a pot of fake puke at home and then I went to this movie theater, hid the puke in my jacket, climbed up to the balcony and then, t-t-then, I made a noise like this: hua-hua-hua-huaaaaaaa - and then I dumped it over the side, all over the people in the audience. And then, this was horrible, all the people started getting sick and throwing up all over each other.


I watched this documentary (via Netflix) last night, about The Aquarian Family from Los Angeles c. 70’s and it was great. Not your typical cult movie!


Israel better cool off or else the US won’t give them a reach around next time we eat their ass.

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