label your bottles in order of use, you goddamn asshole. 

1. Pre-soak. (soak for a minute or two. maybe use this time to find some horrible music to listen to on your iPod.) 1 to 5 minutes depending on film.
2. Developer (make sure you know how to dilute this. i do 1 to 8/9 for most B&W film. while you shake your film can every 10 seconds you can practice saying “would you like fries with that?”) 7-12 min.
3. Stop Bath (you can use an actual chemical stop but you’re a broke piece of shit art major so just use water again here. rinse at least twice.) 
4. Fixer (make your dilution 1 to 4. cut yourself while agitating your film canister every 10 seconds for 5-10 minutes.)
5. Wash (you can open up your canister at this point and check out your shitty photos. your dumbass might be surprised that they have a slight purple tint but that’s totally normal. if they’re too purple then fix them a little more. if your awful photos look passable then you’re ready to wash. fill the canister halfway with water and shake it up. empty and refill every minute or so for ten minutes, you fat cunt.)
6. Wetting Agent (pour out your water and replace it with this shit and let it sit for 30 seconds. don’t rinse.)
7. Dry (take your awful goddamn film off the spool being careful not to touch it too much. hang it up in a dry, dust free area for 6 hours or so.)
8. Burn (throw your film in a fire and kill yourself.)

A: the .50 cal

1. 2oz Jim Beam
2. 2oz Jack Daniel’s
3. 2oz vodka (1oz if you like)
4. 1oz squirt
5. drink

B: tequila (duh)

C: Carondi

1. drink about 1/2 of a carona
2. refill with Bacardi Limon
3. drink

D: i don’t know if it has a name but it’s good

1. 3 oz lime liquor
2. 2 shots ginger ale
3. 3 oz rum
4. 3 oz gin
5. shake it up
6. drink it 

E: dead bastard

1. 2 oz brandy
2. 2 oz bourbon
3. 2 oz gin
4. 2 oz rum
5. 3 oz ginger ale
6. some lemon juice
7. drink it

(all drinks served with a garnish of xanax)

• don’t. 

what’s better on a hot summer day than a mason jar of ice cold lemonade? a mason jar of ice cold lemonade with fucking morphine in it of course!

• get some lemon juice and a pound or two of unwashed poppy seeds. make sure to buy bulk. none of that tiny kroger spice isle stuff.
• fill a bottle with 300-500 grams of seeds and fill the remainder with lemon juice and hot water (not too hot. warm tap water is fine.)
• shake it up every couples mins for about 20 mins or so
• pour your concoction through a t-shirt or whatever into a jug to separate the seeds and liquid. make sure to squeeze out all the juice. 
• pour half of it into a mason jar and add a bunch of sugar and ice
• drink it
• but don’t drink too much
• you could die

ingreidents

• rice.
• some kind of protein: tofu/beef/chicken/koala/dachshund.
• noodles. make sure you don’t use spaghetti noodles. it’s not as chinesey. 
• soy sauce.
• chili pepper. 
• optional: butter

instructions

1. boil or steam your noodles and rice. 
2. cook your meat however you can to make it not give you heart-worms or whatever. maybe use some of that butter.
3. mix your noodles, rice, meat, chili pepper, and soy sauce together.

serve with the traditional chinese beverage, coca-cola. 

• gravs
• magic hat (the beer, not an actual magic hat)
• star trek: the next generation
• no pants
• onion rings