When I awoke I felt that familiar strong pull from my lower intestines that I have come to learn can only mean one thing, it was time to poop. All of the food I had eaten yesterday had been stripped of nutrients and transformed from delicious apples and chicken fingers into a brown mass of what once was. But something was different this time, something has changed. I couldn’t put my finger on what was different but I put it out of my mind and continued on toward the bathroom. I stopped before disrobing my lower half and look at myself in the mirror. My hair is getting long, I should get it cut soon, but I have more pressing business to attend to now. I must poop the shit out of my butt. I take the shorts that were covering my wiener and butt off and sit down on the toilet. I start to push the snake of refuse out of my body like I’ve done a thousand times before, but this time I find no relief. I instantly realize what’s different. My butthole has disappeared. I know my life is over. The same thing happened to my great uncle, Ernest. I will end my life. Goodbye.